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I have been a little MIA in the blogger world for a while. This is such an exciting time in our lives you would think I would document every little thing. I thought I would be this way too, but as excited I am to be pregnant I was just as scared. Scared, I would loose the baby and I wasn't mentally prepared for that. I didn't want any proof reminding me of this baby if I lost him early on. I just thought it would be too hard.

I couldn't bring myself to buy anything or get too excited. I always thought I would take the monthly pictures of a growing belly, document when I first felt him, or do a big thing when we found out the gender. These feelings were actually really hard for me to deal with. Shouldn't this be such a fun happy time? Luckily I have loving and supportive friends and family to help me during this time and have had patience with me until I got over those feelings and embrace this wonderful time in my life.

At 16 weeks we found out were are having a boy. I was so excited and burst into tears. I think my tears were more tears of joy that our baby was growing and was ok. Dan couldn't come with me because of school so I picked up a balloon on the way home to tell him.

I felt our baby boy moving around at about 19 weeks. I think that really helped me get over my fears and realize, we have a child. Prayer also helped me be calm about this. I am now in full baby mode. I have passed this barrier and realize that if this sweet baby comes or not, he is mine. I have a son and if he doesn't make it I will be with him again some day.

I don't think about that option really anymore, I just think about the fun we are going to have once he is here. Dan and I picked up the crib last night, we constantly are looking at all the things we still need to buy, and are trying to imagine what life is going to be like with a baby. I can't wait for my mom to come up at the end of the month. We are going to go shopping for more furniture, pick out bedding, and choose colors to paint the room.

Life is good! Dan and I can't wait for this little boy to come. I am 20 weeks pregnant and can't wait to enjoy every second of the second half of my pregnancy!!